"Gods of Egypt" Review

Title: Gods of Egypt

Directed by: Alex Proyas

Screenplay by: Burk Sharpless and Matt Sazama

Year: 2016


I have always loved ancient mythology, such as the Greeks and the Romans, but the one that has always interested me the most is Egyptian mythology. So when I heard about Gods of Egypt, I was very curious. But then I remembered the Clash of the Titans remake and I kept my expectations in check. Then that terrible trailer came out and I pretty much lost all hope for this flick. So, is Gods of Egypt an absolute train wreck or does it deliver on its epic premise?

The Egyptian god Horus is to be crowned the new king of Egypt by his father Osiris. But Set interrupts the festivities and claims the title for himself, stealing Horus' eyes rendering him useless. Now, a mortal by the name of Bek seeks Horus' aid to overthrow the evil god and set things right again.

Nikolaj Coster-Waldau leads the cast as Horus, the Egyptian god who loses his eyes. Coster-Waldau does his best with the script, and he is no stranger to ancient settings coming from Game of Thrones, but he fails to impress. Not entirely his fault, but he could have been better. Gerard Butler plays the villain Set and he is really hamming it up here. He throws himself into the role and he finds success to varying degrees. There are moments where he is so corny that it is enjoyable, there are others where he is legitimately good, and then there are those moments where he just cannot make the script work. He probably gives the best performance in the film, but that really is not saying much. Brenton Thwaites plays Bek and he is serviceable. He is nothing to write home about, but he is not awful either. He is just...okay.

The rest of the cast also leaves much to be desired but I must single out Chadwick Boseman who played Thoth, the god of wisdom. What the hell happened here? Dear God, this performance was downright atrocious. Boseman adopts some ridiculous accent that makes him sound more like an egotistical elementary student than the god of wisdom. I was left dumbfounded by his part in the film because it truly was ludicrous.

Now, you may gather from my summation of the cast that I did not take a liking to this film. I have to be honest, the first half of this movie was actually not that bad. There were quite a few moments that I enjoyed, so allow me to touch on those. The gods in this film can take many forms, but usually choose to appear human. However, their true forms as gods are really well done (with the exception of Ra, sadly). Horus, Set, Anubis, they all look great. Even the Sphinx looks good. Why some of the gods are metallic though is well beyond me. The designs still look great and are faithful to their depictions (once again, with the exception of Ra) but why are they metallic? Anyway, the fight between Horus and Set in the beginning is actually pretty darn good. It is not too short, it is filmed clearly, and seeing them fight in their god forms is pretty cool.

There is a sequence where Bek must traverse several booby traps, reminiscent of Indiana Jones. Though not nearly as engaging as the traps were in that franchise, there is still some fun to be had watching Bek get past these obstacles. Another fight sequence near a waterfall is pretty good, but one thing that I surprisingly got a kick out of were the quips. I found myself enjoying a good portion of the banter between Bek and Horus, as they always have some witty comeback. Yes, this even applies in the midst of battle, but I feel it adds a bit of fun to the action. Also, I like how Bek's character treats the gods. He does not take orders from them and is not afraid to stand up against them.

And those are pretty much all of the positives I can think of. That may sound like a significant amount, but that is because I have not even delved into the second half of the movie yet. I said the first half of the movie was not that bad, but once you reach the second act, it becomes an entirely different beast. First of all, like many other sword and sandals pictures, Gods of Egypt suffers from awful dialogue. There are a few bright spots here and there, but overall, a lot of the lines belong in the trash bin. And the story just feels like a sequence of pit stops. Yes, there is essentially a purpose to go to each location, but the motivation does not feel strong. Therefore, it comes across more as the motivation serving the location rather than the other way around.

Also, the film gets pretty crazy at times. For instance, we travel to space no less than three times. Yeah, I wish I was making this stuff up. The heroes need to see Ra so they travel to his space ship (that is really what it is). This immediately took me out of the film. And before you correct me, I know Ra's purpose and I know what he does. But there were various other ways to go about this and the filmmakers chose one of the strangest ones. In addition, the film does not make sense on numerous occasions. For example, the gods transform into their true form to fight each other. But when one has been defeated or takes plenty of damage, he or she reverts back to their human form. What? How can they be knocked out of their true form? Are they too weak to remain in god form, because that makes no sense. This really frustrated me.

The second half of the film also gets very cliché with the whole "end of the world" motif. The final villain is very tacked on and feels like a last minute addition. The final action scene is poor, no one in the audience is cares about the stakes, and it is all very stale and by the book. And clichés a plenty. That whole plot thread about a character who cannot do something because they do not have a particular skill or item, only to find out they could have done it all along on their own? Yeah, it is in this movie.

I have not even touched on the romance. Dear Lord, this was a pain. The Bek and Zaya one was not too bad. Mediocre, but not terrible. But the Hathor and Horus romance? That was unnecessary and was only there so that Hathor could give Bek this very specific item that would further the plot. Even worse than that was the romance between Set and Hathor and Set and Isis. This was definitely not needed and literally adds nothing to the plot. The film clocks in at just over two hours and there was a lot of fat that needed to be trimmed. Gods of Egypt would have been more tolerable if there was less of the romance and other unnecessary aspects.

Gods of Egypt had a budget of $140 million. Where did it go? I can tell you one thing for certain; it did not go to the special effects department. Some of the CGI in this film is not bad. There are a few good overhead shots and the gods themselves look pretty good in their god form. But everything else? It is an eye sore. When the gods are in human form, they are significantly taller than mortals, but the sizing effects were way off. The green screen looked horrible all around. The effects department was obviously starved of resources.

If there is one other positive feature I can bring up, it is the score. The music is not memorable, but it often captures the ancient Egyptian vibe. There is something in the notes that just screams Egyptian. It all sounds great and it is such a shame that this music is wasted on this flick.

Gods of Egypt is not the worst movie ever made, but there are moments where it is so bad it is good. I found myself enjoying some portions such as the dungeon of puzzles and some of the action sequences. But these few sequences cannot make up for this film's weak quality. The acting is all over the place, the story is flimsy, and the effects are already dated. Gods of Egypt struggles to find its identity. It cannot decide if it wants to be a fun action film, a dramatic story of revenge and romance, or some mix of the two. I cannot imagine this film satisfying anyone, but Gods of Egypt did show me one thing. There is potential here. Hopefully we can see a quality film about ancient Egyptian mythology sometime in the future. But today is not that day.

Grade: D+