"Cell" Review

Title: Cell

Directed by: Tod Williams

Written by: Stephen King and Adam Alleca

Year: 2016


There have been more than a few film adaptations of Stephen King's novels and stories, and they have met with varying degrees of success. Some have been great, and others not so much. With such a vast library of possible adaptations, is Cell a worthy one, or should you stick to the book?

A signal is broadcast through people's cell phones that turns them into mindless zombies. One of the survivors, Clay, is on a mission to make sure his family is alive. Along the way, he enlists the help of other survivors as they journey to find out what is going on.

John Cusack heads this film with an incredibly stale performance. Honestly, Cusack has one single emotion throughout this picture, and that is worry. He is positively one-note, never changing his mood and never presenting anything of merit. Samuel L. Jackson tries his best to make the material work but even he cannot compensate for bad dialogue. Jackson is good at times, but the script limits his performance an awful lot. It is painful to watch two great actors unable to perform because of a lousy script, and that is exactly the scenario with Cell. The rest of the cast is very bland and forgettable, which is why I will not be mentioning any of the other actors.

The premise of this movie is rather interesting, with the potential for an exaggerated but somewhat true social message about cell phones. The social commentary writes itself; it has been presented to the filmmakers on a silver platter. However, none of the clever context is brought out by the screenplay. The script is atrociously written and terribly repetitive. The movie follows the same sequence of events multiple times. Our heroes are running from zombies and stumble upon other survivors; they get to know each other; something causes the group to leave and find somewhere else to go. Rinse and repeat for an hour and a half. It gets really old, really fast. Nothing of interest is ever occurring. As a result, you will find yourself in a dull limbo while watching this film.

And the dialogue is simply laughable. Any cliche, apocalypse-related line you can think of is in here, with poor delivery as a bonus. Admittedly, there are a few witty and well written lines that add depth to the characters, but the majority of the film has its characters spouting cringe-worthy dialogue or odd word choice; usually both. The script obviously had little to no revision and the actors were not able make the material passable. However, it is with this aspect of the film that you might find yourself laughing. Some of the dialogue is hysterically egregious, which allows for some slight enjoyment.

The plot kicks off almost as soon as the film begins. Unfortunately, that is just about the only compliment I can give to the editing. Cell is sluggishly paced and a chore to sit through. This a 90 minute movie that feels much longer than its runtime. There is no flow between scenes and some of the transitions are unsuccessful. The editing is especially poor during the action scenes, where the average shot length is well under a second. There are so many quick cuts that it becomes impossible to tell what is going on.

Going hand-in-hand with the horrendous editing is the shoddy cinematography. The camerawork is so awful it feels as if it were filmed by someone who was jacked on coffee while doing jumping jacks. The shaky cinematography coupled with the terrible editing makes for a headache inducing experience. Because the vibrator setting on the camera has been set to max, it becomes a challenge to decipher what is happening during the action sequences.

In addition, the visual effects are hilariously bad. I have seen better CGI from YouTube fan films. There is a heavy usage of smoke in this movie, and sometimes, it looks as if the same smoke animation was copy-and-pasted in different parts. In one scene, there is a mass of bodies on the floor and I suppose the film did not have the budget for extras so instead CGI was implemented, and it is deplorable. The superimposition is very shabby and could have been done better in a student film. These visual effects are inexcusably careless.

Something I can commend about Cell is its attempt at character development. In the midst of all the horrible chases, stupid dream sequences, and boring "breathers," there is an effort to flesh out these characters with some backstory and the only examples of good writing in this atrocity. Jackson's character is the most intriguing, but even these scenes cannot make up for the messy picture that accompanies them. Perhaps if there were a better screenplay that accompanied these slower scenes that aimed at establishing characters then maybe this movie would have some merit. But as it stands, this is the only significant positive I am able to come up with.

Cell is, at times, so bad it is good, and at other times just plain dreadful. As a horror film, it fails to scare. As a thriller, it fails to deliver suspense. The actors give underwhelming performances; the script is an unmitigated disaster; the cinematography is shameful; and the effects are unsatisfactory. I have not read Stephen King's novel of the same name, and so I cannot speak for its quality, but I doubt it can be worse than this movie. This might be my shortest review to date because there is nothing to delve into or examine. All of these problems are surface-level and easily noticeable. Cell is boring, poorly shot, and a terrible movie all around. There is nothing appealing about this film, and its dullness is the only transcendent feature.

Grade: D-